Today is the day of 533rd Convocation Ceremony of University of Chicago. And with the pandemic happening accross the world, yes, this event is held virtually, as many other graduation ceremonies. It is, however, still feel special to me. Because this is the day when I should have walked to the stage, hooded by my advisor, and ceremonially inducted as a full-fledged Ph.D.
My study in UChicago span from Fall 2013 to Autumn 2019. During that time, I have seen prior convocation ceremonies. The crowd is enormous, filled by the new graduates and their families. The procesession is solemn. It must feel great to be one of the graduates there. To adorn that cool maroon Doctoral gown with three black stripes on the arm. To feel the festivities of the ceremony in person.
You see, Ph.D program is very hard. It typically span 5 years or more. We need to complete difficult courses in the first 2 years, pass qualification exam or Master defense, produce 2-3 quality research papers, arrange them into single coherent Dissertation thesis and defend it, before eventually awarded a Ph.D degree. I need to go through every steps there, face every challenges it entails, while overcoming my own insecurities. “Can I survive here living in US, far away form families in Indonesia?", “Am I good enough to be in this program?", “What if my paper never get accepted?", “Whait if I fail?", these kind of insecurities keep haunting me during my study.
In 2016, I finally pass my Master defense. I remember I did it a bit late, because I need to remedy my incomplete courses on Discrete Math and Algorithm. But eventually I pass the Master defense and awarded the degree. I was invited to join the 529th Convocation Ceremony in winter quarter 2016 for my Master degree. But then, my insecurities kick in again. “What if I’m happy settle with just Master degree and return home?", “Do I have what it takes to stay in the program for another 2-3 years?", “Can I attain that elusive Ph.D. degree?". I turned down the invitation. During the past years, I saw fellow students unable to overcome the hardship of Ph.D. program and then withdraw. In my mind, I thought, “If I join the convocation ceremony now, I may lose my motivation to reach the real finish line, the Ph.D. degree”. So I persevere myself and defer the excitement of convocation ceremony.
Who knew that when the time finally comes, we are in a different world already. COVID-19 pandemic swept the globe, forcing people to stay at home to help lower the contagion. I, once again, need to defer the onsite convocation ceremony. The University of Chicago has been gracious to held a virtual convocation, and while its not quite the same as the onsite one, I can still feel the excitement. I felt sense of accomplishment for stay persistent on this journey and finally finish what I have started. All of those insecurities are now gone and replaced with happiness.
If I can talk to my past self, I will ask myself not too stress much about it. I will say that all of the hardship will pays off. Know that you are not alone in this journey, and many fellow students also feel that same insecurities, and that is okay. It is part of the process and lesson to learn. Keep in touch with families and friends around you. Do not turn down any support and care from them, you will need all of it to keep your morale high. Love your work, be proud of it. Enjoy every achievement, however small it is.
I can not achieve this degree all by my self. For sure, there are many people who contribute and support me. I want to thank my advisor, Prof. Haryadi S. Gunawi, for taking me under his mentorship. Thank you for believing, forging, and nurturing into what I am now. For my parents and my wife, Cendi, for all their love and supports. For my kid, Mantissa, for being my extra motivation to graduate. Thanks to UCARE members and alumni for keeping the lab lively. Thanks to all CS Department faculty, staff and fellow students for the awesome learning environment. To my collaborators for their contributions in our research works. Thanks to Indonesian community in Chicago for making Chicago feels like home. Thank you for many others who directly or inderectly help me get to the finish line.
https://www.rizasuminto.com/blog/2020/06/reaching-that-finish-line
